McCain: So Boring It’s Intriguing

It didn’t seem, a few weeks ago, like there was any chance of McCain winning anything competitive — let alone the highest office in his land. He was a man so incredibly boring it was actually intriguing. People thought that if they didn’t vote for him, without all the healthcare that comes with being President, he would be dead before the ballot had been cast. And, with that hope, they planned to vote Obama or Clinton or anyone but him, please dear God. Meanwhile, he shambled around muttering about war for several decades longer in … yawn … and vaccines cause autism and science is bonkers and … yawn… creationism in schools … war, war, war, is my main policy …

[Read Sam Harris' more eloquent critique of Palin on my blog, here. And you'll have to forgive me this, but a friend has asked me to pimp his site: The Book Swede ... it's not entirely irrelevant, I suppose. He has a huge Neil Gaiman giveaway going on].

And then along came Sarah Palin. We no longer had to yawn at John McCain; we could, instead, marvel at the strange effect this stranger woman — previously mayor, I believe, of only 10,000 people — was having on your strange land of America. There are real Sarah Palin dolls, dressed in some kind of Dominionist … er, dominatrix … teacher’s uniform with accompanying mini-skirt — the reason for my present blindness. (Ew; by which I mean that I gouged out my own eyes, not that I received some masturbatory punishment from an extremely prurient celestial observer.) Sarah Palin is somehow wooing the media.

How?

1. She has a child that has had a child, and out of wedlock — which is something Palin is very much against. Somehow, this doesn’t make her a hypocrite, but a loving grandmother, with her face all over the magazines with poor said love-child dragged along.
2. She’s a woman. I’d hate, though, to think that American females who voted for Hillary solely on the basis of her gender would be so shallow as to vote for an Alaskan. (Bad joke). What’s worse is that she wants to rape her own state, taking all that is beautiful in it and violating it.
3. A kind of childish glee at destroying things, at pulling all the Jenga blocks of society down, into dust and decay and ruin. A certain why the hell not, let’s see what happens, type attitude. Even George W. Bush has accepted climate change is man-made and needs work — Palin doesn’t, though. Let’s vote for someone who makes George W. Bush look like an informed progressive.

I don’t know bloody know how And Palin and McCain will win, you know. My own Prime Minister has contributed to that by giving Obama his thumbs-up, which is scarcely less than taking a gun to Obama’s political career. That’s a little unfair, perhaps, and I don’t want to set the tone for this site as shrill and moaning, but,

Ugh! Sarah Palin! Ughhhh! I hate her. I hate her so much it gives me energy! There aren’t enough hours in the day to hate her properly! I have to get up early so I can hate her for longer! Ughhh!

Phew. Sorry. I won’t let it happen again.

Will you?